The Ultimate Goal of Parenting

Recently, I found myself in the middle of a trivial but all-too-familiar situation.  I was chatting with a friend after church while my oldest daughter waited (impatiently) beside me.  The friend said hi to Gracie and complimented her pretty dress.  As usual, Gracie looked down and hid behind me, as though the personal attention and compliment was just too painful to address (eye roll!). After barely muttering a prompted "thank you" she was quickly ushered to the car, accompanied by my typical lecture on being polite and answering people.  I was so frustrated...but why?

Ok, so there's nothing new or even that upsetting about this minor incident, because anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes around our family knows that we are always good for at least one meltdown, two whines, and three tattle-tales.  Still, I couldn't help but wonder why it bothers me so much when my kids don't act "right". 

This prompted me for whatever reason (too much coffee too late at night?) to a lot of reflection about what motivates me as a parent.  So often, my parenting is driven by what others think or how they will perceive my kids and ultimately ME as their mom.  If my kids are well-dressed, polite, cute, smart, and/or friendly; then I am a "good" mom.  I've done my job well. If they have a fit in public, look messy, don't appropriately thank someone, or cry on the way to the nursery; then I feel like everyone will think (know?) I've "failed". 

Before I had kids, I had ALL the answers.  I just knew my kids would be the nicest, most respectful kids around!  WOW does God have a sense of humor.  I have been served more than my share of humble pie.  But I am actually thankful for the experience of having imperfect, strong-willed, yes--even sometimes "bad" kids.  I am learning that my goal in raising them cannot be driven by others.  It has to be motivated by glorifying God and teaching them to do the same.  They are kids!  They will never and can never act the way I want them to all of the time.  I can't act the way I want to all the time!  I hold them to such a high standard and it is for such a selfish reason.

I am NOT saying that kids shouldn't be polite or held to high standards; not by a long shot.  I just think that it's worth evaluating and re-evaluating our motivation every now and then.  When I do my best to honor God through my job as a mom, I can rest in the comfort that He knows my heart and motivation and I will be judged and held accountable fairly.  Sometimes my kids make poor choices despite my best efforts.  If my success or failure as a parent is contingent upon my kids' behavior then I need to just cut my losses now and stop wasting my time on all of this work!  I am learning--albeit SLOWLY--that my goal is to do everything that I know and believe is right and leave the results in God's hands.  What peace and relief that brings a weary mom!

I have to credit my own Mom and Dad (parents of 6) with this "epiphany", as they have both encouraged me with this wisdom and scripture in my past meltdowns.  Still, it is very hard to remember in the daily trenches of parenting. 

"And whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17.

This is the ULTIMATE goal of parenting.